Which Fictional Characters Would Make the BEST Poker Players?


It is inherently unproductive to discuss "best of" anythings, as that is entirely subjective. That being said, they are incredibly fun to do; and there is no one thing as fun to rate as fictional characters and whether they would be good at poker... right? Well, we certainly think thats true.

In fear of being repetitive, we will narrow down our choices to only five. It is important to remember that this list is simply our opinion, and maybe you may have a different list yourself. But let's be honest, you probably haven't sat around thinking about this as much as we have, and you are probably much happier for it. Now, how will we decide this list? We will be looking specifically for characters who are intelligent (both mathematically and socially), resilient in the face of danger (like being all in with KKs vs AAs, yikes!), and willing to spend lots of money on high stakes poker. The list will be in no specific order, so #3 may really be #1, but honestly who cares. Now, let's get to the list!


1. Petyr Baelish

I mean, come on. Who wouldn't want to see these two play heads up?

Petyr Baelish, also known as Littlefinger, is a character from HBO's Game of Thrones. It is hard to find anyone more calculating and manipulative than him, which is exactly what we DON'T want to play against on the table. Everytime he speaks, it is hard to tell whether he is thinking about killing you or about marrying you then killing you. He has every quality that would make a true dominating poker player, and I don't doubt that he could even be one of the best. This is a man who was backed into every corner that he could find, yet he was somehow able to perservere against all odds. And most importantly, he has experience with going busto as he was the former head of coin in King's Landing. 

Oh, and he would definitely be the type to roll his chips around his little fingers.


2. Frank Underwood

Okay, we know that it might be too soon to add Kevin Spacey into a list of "the best" anything, but regardless we cannot forget his portrayal of Francis Underwood from Netflix's House of Cards. Underwood is a character that we all know too well; the scheming politician, the ruthless, power hungry antihero. It would not be too hard for us to imagine the leaders of the free world playing their own home games with lots of money being thrown around. If only we could read our politicians as well as we could read our opponents, and Underwood is as much a politician as it gets. Like Baelish, Underwood is constantly lurking in the shadows, check/folding until he decides to raise with 7/2, and we're all forced to fold. Of course he wouldn't be playing with his own money, as he would find someone more rich to stake him, but he would still somehow find a way to stab his staker in the back. 


3. Sherlock Holmes

What, did you think we weren't going to mention him? It goes without saying why he is on this list, but it's what I've been doing so far so why stop now. In this corner we have Sherlock Holmes, the greatest detective to ever not actually live. With his skills of deduction, Holmes is able to decipher any code that is put in front of him. As every poker player knows, this is a notable skill, and it is one that makes every pro think they could switch professions if they really wanted to. Being able to tell if someone is lying is essential to the sport, and it is what makes Hellmuth believe that he has a super power or something? The fact that Holmes is basically a sociopath allows him to mask any emotions that he may actually have. Also, Holmes doesn't care about his money, as his driving ambition is simply to solve mysteries. Well, what better mystery to solve than the two cards that only your opponent can see? Well, I suppose there are a few others... but Holmes won't have time for those when he's 10 hours deep in a 25/50 cash game.


4. Rain Man

Mathematics and memorization are two key aspects to poker in general, but even more so for online poker. That's right, we're discussing the online players, because let's be honest, not all players can do both. Raymond, better known as Rain Man, is a mathematical genius who can determine the amount of matches are in a box within seconds of seeing them. This ability to quickly analyze situations will allow him to calculate percentages, pot-odds, etc. in record time. Of course he has a tendency to say what he is thinking, but that is why he would be a master behind the screen. We believe he would hustle 4 tables and up per session, and he would much richer for it. And let us not forget his stint counting cards in the infamous scene from Rain Man; this is a strong precedent for his ability to lay his cash on the line for the fun of the game.


5. Hermione Granger

Miss Granger is as fierce as she is intelligent, and we only get snippets of that in the famous Harry Potter films. She is known for her ability to learn any subject at alarming speeds, and for this reason we believe that she would consume every poker book imaginable. After her first week, she will be an absolute pro, both financially and intellectuably. We think Harry may even sponsor her as he is known to be rich (with nowhere to spend it). She is almost never given the respect she deserves, and this underdog-ness will allow her to sneak into games undetected. Also, she can hide her poker face behind her rather large hair.


Was this list surprising to you, or no? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Should I have done something else with my time? You decide. Comment down below and let me know how wrong this list was and how right yours is!

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